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Friday, February 28, 2003
 The foreign community in Japan is in a flap because a seal (or sea lion - nobody seems to be able to agree) called Tama-chan has been granted a certificate of residence by the city of Yokohama. People of foreign origin - even those who have lived here for many years, or who are married to Japanese people - are not allowed to obtain such certificates. Tama-chan became famous last year after he/she/it was spotted swimming in the Tama River and generally being cute. Read more here. I've had an underwhelming response to my offer to send an Emily the Strange postcard to anyone who wants one. They're very cool. If you want one, email me. Wednesday, February 26, 2003
 The love that dare not honk its name The ballet - Matthew Bourne’s Swan Lake - was much better than I feared. I was worried that it was going to be just a bunch of nancy boys swanning around in feathery trousers, but it was much more than that. At one point, the lead swan donned a pair of leather pants. There are three such lead swans; tonight, the role was played by the Spanish dancer, Jesus Pastor. Each dancer apparently brings their own special something to the part. Jesus Pastor is supposed to be passionate, the English bloke, Adam Cooper, is philosophical and the Japanese guy, Yasuyuki Shuto, is short. Joking apart, it was very entertaining; the set was impressive, the swans were powerful and comical (a little ungainly, I thought, at times). The audience loved it, and, most importantly, Butter had a great time. I wouldn’t say I’m going to turn into a regular ballet-goer, but I feel slightly enlightened after tonight. Actually, we’ve been exploring various other musical forms this week. Saturday night we went for dinner with my friend Tetsuya, and he played us a fantastic live CD by the the old-skool soul legend Donny Hathaway,, which I bought yesterday. And Butter bought a Nina Simone CD. More stuff for us to carry home. Was very excited to see a poster advertising Battle Royale II. Tagline: This Time It’s War. Wasn’t that the line they used for Aliens? On the news tonight, they showed people in South Korea raking through the ashes that were recovered from the subway disaster, looking for the remains of their loved ones. In response to that disaster, in Tokyo today, one of the subway companies staged an earthquake drill. If there’s a huge earthquake during the next week, before we leave, I’ll be mightily pissed off. Tuesday, February 25, 2003
  So… more emotional traumas yesterday as I bid a fond ja mata to my other kids groups, including my faves, Yuki, Ayumi, Ayano, Miyuki and Kaede, who nearly sent me over the edge into blubsville when they wrote me messages on the whiteboard after the class. Click here to see all the sweet little kiddies and the messages they wrote me – warning, you might need a box of tissues. I’m suffering farewell-itis at the moment. Said goodbye to my Japanese teacher and lots of my students, and next week I’ll have to say seeya to all the friends I’ve made here, many of whom I’ll probably never see again. Of course, I’ll be happy to see my friends and family in England, but partings fill me with sorrow – and Shakespeare was wrong: there’s nothing sweet about it at all. And on a less depressing note, I discovered a shop that’s even cooler than Kiddyland today: Village Vanguard in Shimo-kitazawa. What a magnificent emporium of kitsch and cool: from giant Gloomy Bears to mini false teeth; from spooky horror-porn manga to American car manuals; from Blythe dolls to Doraemon address books… They had it all, crammed together on one floor, a squeaky-pitched Japanese version of Karma Chameleon playing in the background – it rocked (the shop, not the Culture Club cover). I bought a set of Emily postcards, a Monsterism figure and some more postcards featuring cool pics of cute J-girls. If anyone wants me to send them an Emily the Strange postcard, please email me your name and address. First come, first served! All I ask for is a postcard from your neck of the woods in return. I’ve got loads more to write about but little time – I’ll try to update again during the next 24 hours – though it’s Swan Lake day tomorrow. Hmm. Wonder if they’ll let me take my iBook into the theatre with me… Monday, February 24, 2003
 I feel really sad at the moment, having to say goodbye to everyone, including my kids groups. This is my Saturday group - Mako, Sachi, Kyoka and Tamae. Today I have to bid farewell to my Monday group and I already feel a bit chocked just thinking about it. I'm a soft git. Big drinking sesh last night, but I'm miraculously hangover-free this morning. Pictures to follow. And a much more comprehensive update over the next couple of days. PS - Anyone noticed that I now have a shiny new search box on the left? Wow - it's just like a real website! Thursday, February 20, 2003
 I've just joined a fansite for one of my favourite films, Battle Royale. It's a black comedy, set in the near future, about a class of Japanese teens who are dumped on an island, given weapons (ranging from the deadly to the ineffective) and told that they can only go home if they kill all their classmates. It's a violent, blood-splattered thrill-ride; very funny in places, and very sad in others. Most of my students think I'm nuts for liking what they see as a horrible movie, but most of them haven't seen it. There's something very cool about seeing Japanese high school kids in their military-style school uniforms taking playground war games to their extreme. The film is about the rise in youth crime, and also the way adults try to control and punish kids, who are seen as becoming increasingly wayward and troublesome. The villains in this film are the adults who represent authority, including the fantastic Kitano Takeshi. It's not a nihilistic or mindless film: we root for the kids who band together and try to help each other, and hiss at the ones who go it alone. The director, Kinji Fukasaku, died in January, midway through making Battle Royale II. Apparently, his son is going to complete it. There's no way it will match up to the joyful shock of the first film. If you want to know more, click here. Wednesday, February 19, 2003
I've just spent four hours creating an online CV. Butter said it felt more like 24 hours, and was so stressed out by the sight of me agonising over exactly what my main skills are, she had go out for a ride on her new bike. Her injuries seem much better now - it's my turn to be a crock. I not only have a cold but have done my back in and keep being immobilised by sudden spasms. This means that I haven't had to do so much housework this week. Had some good news yesterday. Long-term readers of MarkCity might remember me mentioning the novel that I wrote with my friend LV last year. It was optioned by the BBC, but we hadn't heard anything from them for ages, until yesterday, when we heard that they are still going ahead, maybe going into production this year. It's a slow, uncertain business, but if the Beeb do go ahead, it increases our book agent's chances of selling the novel to a publisher, which is my true aim. By the way, Yoshiko, if you're reading this - my signature will never be worth anything, even if I do get published! We went hunting for a perfect souvenir of Japan yesterday - a print or a wall-hanging, maybe - but came home empty-handed. The only things we liked were disgustingly expensive. But we cheered ourselves up with dinner at Tokyo's best veggie restaurant, Cafe 8. My Harry Potter parody has dropped back to No.3 on the Book of the Future site. Haven't voted yet? Click here. Monday, February 17, 2003
 Think Ewan McGregor looked bad with that rat's tail in Star Wars? Well, he looks even worse - like Mr Cheese himself - in the ads for English language company Aeon. Hollywood stars are well known for selling their souls in Japan, appearing in the corniest ads and pocketing bucketfuls of yen. Beckham is currently in about a million ads, including one where he gazes lovingly at a chocolate almond. (Actually, you can't escape Becks at the moment - his picture is on the automatic ticket barriers at train stations on the Odakyu line. No-one here cares that England lost to Australia or that Man U have just been knocked out of the FA Cup.) In Japan, pop stars have no sense of 'selling out' - they're all happy to endorse, well, anything. Indeed, Ayumi Hamasaki, the queen of J-pop, endorses everything, from Boss coffee to Tu-ka telephones. It seems that pop stars here have to be all-rounders - a bit like S Club, really - with their own TV shows to go with the singles. One member of SMAP - like Westlife but with more wrinkles - hosts an English-learning programme which is hugely popular. Can you imagine 'Learn French with Gareth Gates'? Anyway, if you want to watch Hollywood celebs disgracing themselves on Japanese commercials, checkout Japander. Just in case you were wondering how Butter was after her accident, she's OK - but covered in bruises, and finds it hard to lift her arms. People keep saying she should have got the driver's address so we could sue him! Saturday, February 15, 2003
 So, today is the day that people all over the world march to try to persuade Bush and Blair that we don't agree with the impending war on Iraq. (It's not a war 'with' Iraq, is it?) Click here to sign the online petition. And on a more trivial note, I am very happy to announce that my Harry Potter and the Mortgage Repayments of Doom article is currently - cue big fanfare - Number One on the Book of the Future site! Woo-hoo! Thanks to everyone who voted. The top-rated articles will be published in a BBC book later this year - so let's wait and see what happens. I've just discovered the downside of blogging (well, apart from the fact that it eats all your time and pisses off your girlfriend) - you get even more junk mail. I only ever used to get junk mail in my Hotmail account. Now I'm getting junk in my Mac account, and most of it's in Japanese so I don't even know what crap they're trying to sell me. I don't yet know the Japanese for 'enlarge your penis' or 'get a diploma'.  Friday, February 14, 2003
Stop press: My article, Harry Potter and the Mortgage Repayments of Doom, is currently the third highest rated article on the BBC's Book of the Future site. However, No 3 is not good enough! I want to be No 1. So a big thank you to everyone who's voted, but if you haven't, and if you think the article's good, what are you waiting for? This is the second entry today - so keep reading!  It's Valentine's Day, and to celebrate, here's a picture of some sweet little kittens. Butter bought me some Issey Miyake spray. Apparently, its smell is reminiscent of the deep woods. Does that mean it makes women come over all primitive and want to drag you into the undergrowth? Hmm. Shame there are no woods around here. I almost didn't have a girlfriend to celebrate V Day with. Last night, Butter was knocked off her bicycle by a bloody-minded motorist. She was cycling along, not doing anything wrong, when the car behind her beeped his horn as if he thought she was too far from the kerb. She moved a little closer to the kerb, giving him loads more space in which to pass her. He drove past, as close to her as he could get, trying to give her a scare, she thinks. But he clipped her handlebars, the bike wobbled and down she went. The front wheel was buckled and the bike wrecked. Fortunately, Butter was okay, just grazed and dazed. She sat on the side of the road for a while, recovering from the shock, when the motorist reappeared, made some concerned noises then rushed off round the corner. A couple of minutes later he reappeared - with his granddaughter's bike, which he gave to Butter! So Butter now has a new bicycle. But her tights were ruined. Wednesday, February 12, 2003
 Emily the Strange - as cool as Gloomy? Anyone who has looked around this blog will know that I'm obsessed with pop culture, from daft toys to Daft Punk. High culture gives me the willies. But Mark, I hear you cry, hasn't there been a postmodern flattening of high and low culture? Well, that's as maybe, but two nights ago Butter came home and said: "You know Billy Elliott?" Me: "Ye-e-e-es." Butter: "You know the scene at the end..." Me: "Ohmygod - you want me to go and see ballet!" I was right. Matthew Bourne's nearly-all-male production of Swan Lake is coming to Tokyo, and Butter really really wants to go. I have never been to watch ballet in my life - well, apart from when my sister was in a production when she was seven, in which she dressed up as a smurf. Very moving it was, the little blue creatures pirouetting around the White Rock Theatre. Classical music, opera, even theatre, leaves me cold. So I said, "Well, I'll go if I can take a book to read. And you pay." It's 8000 yen - about 40 quid - each. Cue many cries of 'Philistine', great flashes of guilt on my part, and my eventual capitulation. But she's paying.  Hello ducky Yesterday was National Day in Japan. This means that all the right wing nutters come out and shout 'foreigners go home' through loudspeakers in the middle of Shibuya. Am I right in thinking this kind of thing - incitement of racial hatred, I think it's called - would be illegal in most countries? Shortly after witnessing this display of tolerance, I saw a Japanese man drop his umbrella cover. Seizing my chance to be a model citizen I chased after him (okay, chased is an exaggeration - I took a few steps forward) and said, 'Sumimasen' (Excuse me). He ignored me. I sumimasened him again, pointing at his dropped item. He ignored me again. 'Sumimasen!' I shouted in his ear. Of course, he'd heard me all three times. At last, his girlfriend looked at me, and Butter handed her the brolly cover. She said thank you, but did the geek who'd dropped it in the first place? Ha! I won't bother in future. I calmed myself down by watching Resident Evil (or Biohazard, as it's called here - it's currently No.1 in the rental charts) and imagining that the dead-eyed, slack-jawed zombies being mown down by Milla Jovovich were Shibuya salarymen. Not difficult, it has to be said.  Tatu - great, aren't they? I listened to the British charts this morning for the first time in ages. I'm completely out of touch. How have I survived without the latest warblings of Will and Gareth? Um... very easily. But the Tatu song is excellent. Of course, it's all a big marketing, faux-lesbian gimmicky exercise in middle-aged-perv baiting. But they're a hell of a lot more interesting than Westlife. And they remind me of Beth Jordache and the red-haired girl she snogged on Brookside (RIP). Tuesday, February 11, 2003
OK, loyal readers of MarkCity, I need you all to do me a favour..! I submitted an article to the BBC's Book of the Future site, on which they're asking people to contribute their views of the future. The editors then pick suitable articles and allow people to rate them. The most highly-rated articles will be published in a book later this year, in aid of Comic Relief. My article, which is under the 'Popular Culture' section, has been accepted by the editors and I need people to rate it. It's a Harry Potter parody, set in the year 2020 when Harry's all grown up. Click here to go through and rate it: Harry Potter and the Mortgage Repayments of Doom By the way, The Guardian turned down my Harry Potter lookalike article; they liked it but felt it wasn't right for the books section. Don't know where to send it next. Any ideas? Sunday, February 09, 2003
I've been getting a few hits from people searching for Gloomy Bear on Google (along with more hits from, I assume, guys typing in 'naked girlfriend' - hey, if I put those words on here every day I could soon be up there with blogger Tony Pierce, who's had more hits than Madonna) so I've written a page all about Gloomy. Read it here: Claws Out For The Lads It's Valentine's Day this week, of course. The Love Hotels will be heaving. Valentine's Day is celebrated differently in Japan. While it's a two-way thing in the west, over here girls give presents to guys, and guys don't have to reciprocate. And even if you don't have a sweetheart, your sweet tooth needn't suffer, because Japanese women dish out giri (obligation) chocolates to their colleagues, boss and, I'm hoping, teachers. However, men, before you start grumbling about how great Valentine's Day sounds over here in Japan, March 14th is White Day, which is when we chaps have to repay the favour and buy sweets or cookies for the ladies. I'm not sure how Butter and I are going to celebrate Valentine's Day. Perhaps she could buy me a big present and I'll wait till White Day, by which time we'll back in the UK and, of course, Japanese customs will seem a bit...pointless. One of my students isn't going to be doing much loving this February 14th. He came to his lesson late today: Him: "Sorry, I'm late. I had a quarrel with my girlfriend." Me: "Oh... Is everything okay?" Him: "No, everything is really bad." Me (floundering): "Um... so what happened?" Him: "We said goodbye to each other." Me: "How long had you been together." Him: "A year and a half." Me: "Er... OK, let's change the subject." (In a bright, cheery voice.) "Today we're going to practice ordering a taxi." I've joined a link-exchange site called Blogsnob, which is why every time you visit this site you should see a different link directly beneath 'Routes Outta MarkCity' on the left. And while we're talking about this site, I've been informed that if you view this page on a Japanese computer you see Chinese characters in the 'Ten Things I Miss About the UK' entry below. They're not meant to be there. It's just weird computer shit. Here's another hotly recommended blog: The Reverse Cowgirl's Blog, in which a writer tried to justify the size of her porn collection. Thursday, February 06, 2003
 This is the new Nintendo Gameboy Advance SP. I want one. However, it will only work with games bought in Japan so will be useless in England. This is the kind of thing that really irritates me: like DVDs. Why do there have to be loads of different regions? Imagine if they did it with CDs. Anyway, Japan and the UK are both region 2, so I don't have to get too annoyed about that, but wouldn't it be nice to be able to bring back a shiny new GBA from Nintendo-land? Huh. A new teacher started at our school on Saturday. He quit on Monday. The trouble was that, unlike the rest of us, he's a real teacher, with classroom experience and a proper educational qualification and everything. So he's gone back to the States to continue as a real teacher. My friend Tamara told me a bizarre story about two of her Japanese friends today. They took a photo of themselves having sex, but so their faces weren't visible. They then went to the local convenience store and sellotaped the picture to the forehead of a dog that was tied up outside, along with a note which read, 'This is what you want.' After that, they hid and watched the dog's owner freak out. And while we're on the subject of body parts and Japanese, ahem, eccentricities, my sister sent me this picture:  I've never seen them in Japan. But rest assured, I'll be keeping my eyes peeled. Wednesday, February 05, 2003
I feel a bit sick. We went to Footnik in Ebisu today for lunch with Helen and Scott. Footnik is a football pub for soccer-starved ex-pats. The beer is great, though expensive, but the food is revolting. Had the most disgusting vegetable curry ever. I've just applied for a job. It's the kind of job that I know I could do - I've got the experience, the skills, everything they want, I reckon. Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me. I also sent my CV to an agency and they told me to call them when I get back to the UK. I feel very virtuous now. Bstats is back. It's interesting seeing the Google and Yahoo search results which bring people to this site. Lots of Gloomy Bear and Bathing Ape searches. But someone came here after looking for 'naked girlfriend'. I'm afraid there are no pics of my girlfriend in the buff here. However, you can find a nice shot of me in my trunks in my Phi Phi photo album... Tuesday, February 04, 2003
 Butter and I took a trip to Yokohama today. Yokohama has a completely different atmosphere to Tokyo, especially in the area around the docks, from where the Pacific Ocean stretches towards America. It feels more open, fresh air blowing in from the sea, and today it was like a ghost town. World Porters, one of the big shopping malls, was closed down, as was the amusement park next door. Earlier this year, we took the ear-popping lift to the top of Landmark Tower, Japan's tallest building. We'd just arrived in the country and still went around going, 'Wow, we live in Japan!' and I remember how exciting it was gazing at the incredible mass of buildings, knowing too that the World Cup final was going to soon take place in this city. It seems so long ago. And also like it was yesterday. Anyway, today we just wandered round the shops and Butter bought a cool Laundry Girl T-shirt ("Laundry Girl's ♥ Day. She's making Chocolate for Laundry-Boy. It's a very happy time!") and then we went to the Hard Rock Cafe where it was happy hour, and we drank wine and ate veggie burgers and a fudge brownie concoction that was basically a bucket full of fresh cream that made my arteries scream in protest. It was a very happy time! The night before last I went to a farewell party for Fusako and Chris, a staff member and teacher from my school. You can see the pictures here. Didn't feel that drunk, but the headache I had the next morning said I must have been.  I'm annoyed coz the Bstats site is undergoing maintenance so I have no idea how many people are visiting this site. Which is another reason why it would be cool if people left a comment, even if it's just 'Hello.' I've just installed iPhoto2 to maintain and upload digital photos. What an improvement. If you've got a Mac and you haven't upgraded yet, what are you waiting for? And if you use a PC, why don't you switch? Saturday, February 01, 2003
 I feel a bit like the boy being attacked by Gloomy Bear in the picture above today – battered and bloody. It’s partly because I had such a tiring day at work, with 4 kids classes in the morning (lots of running around and trying to avoid their snotty noses) and four adult classes in the afternoon (lots of running around and trying... ho ho). I’ve also been feeling stressed recently because there’s such a big change coming up. Leaving Japan, having to look for a new job… it’s a big worry. I wrote to an employment agency and they told me that the market for people with my skills – I used to be a content writer for a website – is exceptionally quiet. Plus I’ve been sending off articles to various magazines without much success, and on top of that I’ve pretty much abandoned my latest novel. It wasn’t going anywhere, and I lost all my motivation and interest in it. However, I do have an idea for another one… details to follow at a later date! I think one of my problems is that I’m always bursting with ideas and dreams and plans but never really know what to prioritise or concentrate on. So I end up dithering and umming and aahing and do nothing. God, listen to me whinge on. I’ll stop now. Think happy thoughts. Lean forward and think of England. Um… Here are the Top 10 Things I Miss About the UK, not including friends and family, which goes without saying: 1. Being Understood. Because my command of Japanese is so rubbish, every trip to the shops, every visit to a restaurant is like trying to ride a bike no-handed – twice as difficult. The simplest things, like buying tickets for a concert or trying to arrange for the redelivery of a parcel, become Krypton Factor-like problems. So number one on this list is being comprehended. 2. British TV. OK, I am fully aware that this makes me sound sad, but I love watching TV, and missing Big Brother 3 last summer was almost more than I could endure. 3. Pubs Just like karaoke is Japan’s great contribution to civilisation, the pub is Britain’s. 4. Newspapers. Oh, how I miss the weight of the Saturday Guardian. Online ain’t the same. And you can buy The Sunday Times here, but only if you’re rich. 5. The buildings. I long for old buildings – pretty churches and Georgian terraces and redbrick. 6. Sainsbury’s. The deli counter. All that cheese. St Endellion brie. Cue Homer Simpson-style drooling noises. 7. Choice for Veggies. See my Guide to Being Vegetarian in Japan. 8. Football. Apart from the World Cup, which was fantastic, I’ve hardly been able to watch any football matches this year. And Butter has just told me that the thing she misses most is Alan Hansen. Though I guess I shouldn’t refer to the scarred one as a ‘thing’. 9. The Buttermobile. That was Butter’s car, a little red, battered Renault 5, G-reg . We had to sell it before we came here. She’s just gone all moist-eyed at the thought of it. 10. Knowing what’s going on in the pop world. I’ve completely lost touch since I’ve been here, which makes me feel old and a bit panicky. Will need to swot up when I get back. Coming soon – a list of the things I don’t miss about the UK, including groups of drunken lads, the trains and Jamie Oliver. Although I hear he’s suddenly become ‘alright’ since I went away… |