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Sunday, January 22, 2006
I had my first driving lesson yesterday morning, and it pretty much passed without incident. OK, at one point I mounted the kerb, but didn't kill any kids or cats, and I kept getting the brake and accelerator mixed up. But apart from that, it was cool. It felt surreal actually being in control of a car. Well, dual control. The instructor said that I have good clutch control but poor steering. I'm trying to work out if this is some kind of metaphor. My next lesson is Wednesday morning, before work. Hopefully by summer I'll be cruising up and down Hastings seafront, top down, blasting out anthems with the other boy racers. Or rather, I'll be carting a baby and about a million nappies around. I'm very excited because the Arctic Monkeys album is out tomorrow. Even though I've got 6 or 7 of the tracks already, thanks to their online generosity, I can't wait. I've also just bought tickets to go and see the almighty Morrissey at the London Palladium in May. Morrissey is the closest thing we have to a living deity. Perhaps we could call the baby Morrissey. I just suggested this to Butter and she didn't look too horrified. I'm writing this on my new iBook, as paid for by the insurance company. It's a thing of beauty. I'm slightly paranoid about the burglars coming back and want to carry it with me everywhere. Hopefully the burglars don't read this blog. Saturday, January 14, 2006
 We got our new camera today - 6, count 'em, megapixels - so to celebrate here's a pic of me with my new short hair. I can't work out if it makes me look old. It's the first new hairstyle I've had in years. Have ditched my glasses for contacts too. It's an official Mark makeover. My first driving lesson is on Tuesday. I was shaking just making the appointment. Butter keeps trying to tell me interesting things like how to indicate on roundabouts, during which I zone out and think of other stuff like Celebrity Big Brother. Why was everyone so horrible to poor Jodie Marsh? Should I throw away my old Dead or Alive records? Was George Galloway pretending to be a cat the most cringesome thing ever ever ever? Yep. It was. Saturday, January 07, 2006
So I promised you a big New Year announcement, and here it is: Butter is pregnant. Yep, the Butterbird is expecting a Butterchick. We had the 13-week scan this week, which was quite frankly mind-blowing - you could see it's arms and legs and heart beating and everything. It's weird, because Butter isn't showing at all yet and hasn't had any morning sickness so it's hard to believe, even after the scan, that there's anything in there. The most common question I've been asked when telling people is 'Was it planned?' Yes, it was. It just happened a lot faster than I thought. About a month. Nice to know I wasn't wasting all that money I spent on condoms through the years. The baby is due on July 10th, one day after the World Cup Final, so I've warned Butter that she's not allowed to give birth on the 9th (which means she probably well) and that if England win the baby is going to be called Rooney. Or Roonetta. Luckily Butter never listens to me. Anyway, it's all very exciting and scary and daunting and I've already had a few sleepless nights, getting into practice for later this year. I'm also planning to learn to drive, which is also very scary. Perhaps even scarier for the drivers of Tunbridge Wells than for me. So expect lots of tales of comedy driving lesson mishaps and antenatal adventures over the next few months. |