MarkCity

Monday, December 26, 2005
 
I'm stuck at home on my own and am going insane with boredom, even though Buffy is on. I realise that I must come across as a bit of a sad billy-no-mates. Poor thing - his girlfriend goes away for a few days and he has no one to go out with. The thing is, everyone else has gone away too. It's just me and the rats. And Buffy. Unfortunately, despite some of my favourite and most thought-through fantasies, Buffy is not actually my friend.

Christmas Eve evening, while I was sat watching the entire second series of Peep Show on DVD, Syd got into the bedroom and started rifling through the Xmas presents. Or rather, chewing through. I had bought my grandad a box of diabetic chocolates and some hankies. Classic old person presents. Syd found the chocolates, ripped the wrapping paper off, gnawed into the box and ate an entire choc. She also chewed the hankie box. So poor grandad got no present this year. I didn't think he'd want an incomplete box of chocolates. Ah, twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring apart for a rat.



Saturday, December 24, 2005
 
It'll be lonely this Christmas - in fact, it already is. Butter has gone to see her family in Yorkshire leaving me alone. I was supposed to go with her but have had to stay at home to look after the house. Here's why:

We came home on Monday to find that someone had scaled our garden fence, taken the hacksaw out of the shed and sawed a hole in the back door around the cat flap. It must have been kids, unless it was a professional burglar taking part in 'bring your kid to work day', because the hole was too small even for a skinny git like me to get through.

They made off with my Apple iBook, the digital camera, Gameboy and a load of DVDs. The eMac was unplugged, and they took the mouse, bizarrely, but luckily it weighs more than Jordan's first kid, ie too heavy to make a quick getaway with. If they took the eMac I would be screwed because my whole life is on this computer: pictures, music, everything I've written, all my emails. Oh, OK, not my whole life, but it would have been disastrous. The other stroke of luck is that we're insured. Actually, that's not luck - it's called being sensible.

The insurance co are going to replace the door but can't do it till the new year because the suppliers are shut for Christmas. So I didn't want to leave the house with a hole in the door for 3 days, with a sign outside saying, 'Burglars - help yourselves!' and before you ask, yes, we've boarded the hole up but it's hardly the most secure piece of board in the world.

I'm going to spend Xmas day at my sister's now, which will be nice, but it means I have to go another few days without Butter. I'll be waking up on Christmas morning alone. Is this the saddest story you've ever heard, or am I being melodramatic.

Whatever, I hope my MarkCity readers have a wonderful Christmas. I'll have some big news to impart in the new year. Yep, really big.

Happy Christmas
Mark x



Sunday, December 11, 2005
 
I'm home alone because Butter has gallivanted off to Houston on a business trip. I hate being at home on my own; I go a bit crazy when I'm stuck in the house with no-one to talk to. Unused to keeping quiet I start gibbering away to myself, or the rats, and spend endless hours surfing the web and feeling my life essence being sucked into the screen. Fortunately I have two work night outs to enjoy this week, including our Xmas party. I must not drink too much. I must not... oh I probably will. I drank quite a lot at Butter's work party and nearly fell over several times. Debbie and I were the first people on the dancefloor, but the DJ sucked. Butter and I snuck off early because her company has paid for us to stay in a suite. Posh.

I have a pile of presents here waiting to be wrapped. Good old Amazon. Apart from grandad's pressie, this year I bought everything from Amazon. Damn, should have got them to wrap it all as well.

I went to a fantastic photography exhibition this week: Nobuyoshi Araki at the Barbican. Hundreds of photos, many of them borderline pornographic but mixed with some fantastic images of Tokyo. I think I irritated my friends by saying, 'Ooh, I've been there' and going on about Japan for the umpteenth time.

Have you heard the new Katie Melua single? It's an atrocity. She's taken one of the giddiest, most brilliant pop songs of all time, 'Just Like Heaven', and sucked all the joy and life out of it. It's horrific and she deserves to be punished. Speaking of dodgy pop songs, my prediction for Xmas No.1 - and this is not an original prediction - is The JCB Song. No, it has nothing to do with Bob the Builder.

Here's a Christmas Joke:
Q. What is Good King Wenceslas's favourite kind of pizza?
A. Deep pan - crisp and even