Sunday, March 27, 2005
Ikea wasn't as terrible as I feared. We arrived before it opened and sat enjoying a Swedish coffee with all the other early birds. Just before ten, some people started twitching and creeping towards the entrance, clutching their little free pencils (good for eyeball-stabbing) and paper tape measures (for strangling), as if there was only one plastic bag dispenser for sale and they would kill to get it. By five-past, this hardcore had been swallowed up by the store's great belly, allowing Butter and I to saunter around planning the decor of our nest. It was almost too relaxed. Halfway through the marketplace area, we realised we needed a trolley, so I made my way back to find one. The crowd got denser and denser the further I went back. I grabbed a trolley and, making my way back to Butter, felt my first stirrings of Ikea rage. 'Quick,' I said, when I found her again in the light-bulb aisle, 'the mob are behind us. Press on.' We made it without losing any limbs, and will be returning, this time to actually buy some furniture.

By the way, Ikea's vegetarian option - watery pasta covered with some kind of green gloop - was the most revolting food I've had in a long time. Even Oliver Twist would have turned his nose up.

Doctor Who returned last night. I've been waiting for a long time and wasn't disappointed. Billie Piper is sensational in it. A truly inspired choice of assistant. Mmmm, Billie. I knew she'd come good.

I've just finished reading 'The Insider' by Piers Morgan, which was astoundingly entertaining and interesting. It's written as a diary, but was actually written retrospectively. Shame Piers can't stop himself saying things like "When I heard Di was going out with Dodi I knew it would end in tears". Okay, I made that example up but it's not far from the mark. Despite this, I like Piers. He's almost fearless, and an excellent editor. The front pages of the Mirror during the Iraq war were powerful and righteous. Of course, sales plummeted. But that's the British public for you.