Sunday, May 23, 2004

On Thursday evening I went to the BBC's Waterloo studios to watch former male model, TV presenter and DJ Vernon Kay film his new quiz show, Head Jam. Now some might imagine this to be a glamorous occasion. I was certainly hoping it would be glamorous, but it was actually very cold and very long. The aircon was cranked up - to stop Vern sweating on camera, I assume - and to make us even more chilly they served up ice cream (as paid for by your licence fee) during the interval. One strange chap in the audience had an enormous tower of ice cream tubs beside his chair. 'He's eaten seven tubs,' someone said. 'Eight, actually,' he yelled in his nerd-voice. Perhaps he should be given his own show - we could watch him stuff down various flavours of ice cream until he explodes on screen.

Vernon is very charismatic and entertaining, and the show itself is pretty good - a pop quiz with a very tricky final round in which the winning contestant is asked eight questions in a row and has to store the answers in her head. She then recites the answers in order. Bloody difficult. I wouldn't be able to do it, what with my encroaching senility. Trying to play along in the studio gave me a headache.

We were hoping for some exciting celeb guests. Mike and Matt both wanted Kylie. I was hoping for Morrissey. Although Kylie would have sufficed. We got DJ Spoony and some bloke off BBC3 called Patrick something-or-other. Not even z-list.

Speaking of telly, I'm very excited because there's only five days till Big Brother 5. Rumour has it that this year's series will include not one but two lesbians - lipstick lesbians, no doubt, for the edification of the male viewers - a stripper and an asylum seeker. Why not combine them all and have an asylum-seeking lesbian stripper? This asylum seeker thing is very dodgy. Will they be evicted all the way back to Kosovo? God, I can't wait.