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 Archives 
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Saturday, March 27, 2004
We've just got back from a trip to Chislehurst Caves - a man-made labyrinth built by Druids thousands of years ago, where people sheltered during the 2nd World War. A very dank way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Still, at least we didn't have to spend endless nights there, unlike the unfortunate people of south London in the dark days of the war. Apparently, a woman was born down there and christened Cavina. Sensibly, she changed her name as soon as she was able. She's now called Pothola. We were shown round by an intensely-irritating hybrid of David Brent and a Hobbit. He spent the entire tour cracking jokes about child blood sacrifices and saying things like, 'It's amazing, guys, that the Romans built this deep well without machinery - just tools... I mean, they, like, made it with their bare hands.' I think he'd spent too long beneath ground because he had moss growing on his chin. Halfway through the caves he asked for volunteers: 'I'm going to leave you here and take your lanterns away so you'll see what's it like to be left in pitch darkness.' He left Butter, I and a few other brave souls behind while he led the rest of the party a short way away, It was indeed very dark. Then we heard a loud 'Boo' as he reappeared and flashed his torch, which immediately went out again, leaving us in darkness once more. 'Oh shit,' he said. We chuckled nervously. What a prankster. 'Oh shit. I mean...oh shit. I'm not joking. I'm afraid my torch has died. Er...' So there we were, stuck in the blackest, deepest darkness you've ever, ahem, seen with a subterranean moron as our leader. Fortunately, this is the age of the mobile phone: we all took our phones out of our pockets and used them to light our way back to the others. God knows what we would have done without our phones - ended our days as bat food, probably. BTW, I lied about the Pothola thing. Her name is actually Rose. Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Quick apology that I haven't blogged this week - been too busy editing. I've also registered the domain for www.sayonarababy.com and will be building a website there as soon as I get a moment. OK, must shoot off - promise to be back at the weekend. Monday, March 08, 2004
I've just finished Sayonara Baby. It's taken just over a year. I still have a little bit of editing to do, but then that's it. Now comes the hard part - trying to sell it. And I'm all worded it out at the moment - I've spent the last 48 hours hunched over my desk. Well, it feels like it. There was also a near-tragedy this afternoon when, just as I typed the last sentence, my computer crashed. No, it couldn't have happened halfway through - it had to be the very last bleeding sentence. I lost about three pages and after much oh-woe-is-me-ing and wailing and gnashing of teeth, I had to knuckle down and rewrite those pages. Anyway, I did it. Well done, me. Hopefully I'll have more time to blog next week. It's exactly one year today since we returned to the UK. Bloody hell...didn't that go quickly? To celebrate we spent the evening staring out at the rain while eating mushy peas and quaffing slightly-warm ale. We didn't really. We watched Buffy and had a stir fry and white wine. Which brings me to a great quote from the book I'm reading at the moment - Star of the Sea by Joseph O'Connor. "Wine is not a drink. It is a kidney-flush for Frenchmen and prancing fops." Sunday, March 07, 2004
On Tuesday I went to Westminster. No, I didn't go to harangue my MP about introducing the death penalty for iPod thieves or to ask for rights for rats. My friend Helen works there as an MP's assistant, and she told me that cheap food and beer could be found within. How could I resist? After getting past the metal detectors and the security guards, we found ourselves in the lobby, which is like a cathedral of glass with these indoor trees that cost about a million quid each (at least). But I'm not going to mention taxpayers' money - they were very nice trees. Helen then took me on a tour of the historic halls. I walked over Churchill's grave and the Queen Mother's; then we peered into the House of Commons where our elected representatives were casting their votes on important issues of the day like, er, what to do with people who wander into offices and steal coats. It was cool. After that we went to the Lords Bar, which is nowhere near as grand as it sounds, being a rather dingy little pub full of honking Tory researchers. Beer was only £1.80 a pint though, so I didn't complain. I'm afraid I didn't take any photos as there were signs up all over the place prohibiting it and I didn't want to get thrown in the Tower. From the historical and dusty to the contemporary and shiny: I've just discovered a great new TV show. The OC. It's set in Orange County, California, and tells the tale of a poor boy interloper into a world of well-toned babes and hunks whose parents have a lot more money than the kids have sense. Wonderful. A bit like Beverley Hills 90210 for the noughties. And we're off to Cali very soon - only about 5 weeks to go. I. Cannot. Wait. |