Saturday, July 26, 2003
The world is a sadder place today. Big Brother is over. To mark this occasion I've got The Cure's best and most miserable album, 'Disintegration', playing on the stereo and I've arranged for it to piss down. I feel slightly depressed because BB was won by a fish trading virgin who refuses to drink and have fun, and who thinks that gay couples shouldn't have the same rights as straight ones and that it's okay to belt children. Still, at least Steph - who has never masturbated because she thinks it's 'violating yourself' - didn't win. I'm not going to dwell on it. It's over. And Pop Idol 2 starts soon.

I've been a bit rubbish at blogging lately because I've been trying to concentrate all my writing efforts into 'Sayonara Baby'. I'm resisting pressure to change it to 'Love in the Time of Karaoke'. Speaking of writing efforts, the BBC Book of the Future comes out on Thursday, and I'm going to the launch party that same day. I will of course report back on it for you. I'm not sure where it's going to be yet but I've been assured it won't be in the infamous BBC canteen. Shame.

My bad lyric challenge went quite well. I think Darren came up with the worst - the entire lyric to Bryan Adams' I Wanna be Your Underwear:

I wanna be - your lipstick when ya lick it
I wanna be - your high heels when ya kick it
I wanna be - your sweet love babe - ya when you make it
From your feet up to your hair - more than anything I swear
I wanna be - your underwear

Well done, Darren. You win an old pair of brown Y-fronts from the Tunbridge Wells Oxfam.

This week's challenge is to find the best lyrics of all time. Here are my nominations:

I dreamt about you last night
And I fell out of bed twice

-The Smiths, 'Reel Around the Fountain'

Wait! What if there's an explanation for this shit?
What? She tripped? Fell? Landed on his dick?

-Eminem, 'Guilty Conscience'

Well, I think they're good, anyway. Your mission, if you accept it, is to beat them.